Presents!
by Iluvbeyblade
Summary: Queen and Ming-Ming celebrate Christmas in a typically insane way. T for language, Christmas fic for Lamanth.


To my Stormy, who deserves so much better (read the end AN before killing me! Please?) and who is just lovely and hilarious and the best of best friends - forever and ever, yes yes? Love you.

* * *

The alarm clock beeped, and beeped ... and beeped.

"Shut that stupid thing up!" Queen grumbled, trying to reach across Ming-Ming's recumbent form to throw the annoyance into the wall.

"Mm ... in a minute ..." Ming-Ming's voice was muffled because she had her head buried under her pillow and looked unlikely to remove it any time soon. Queen shoved her ineffectively.

"You're the one who wanted to get up!" she complained, ending on a hiss of triumph as she finally reached the alarm clock and hit the snooze button with more force than was required.

"In a mi-inute!"

Queen rolled her eyes and started kicking Ming-Ming towards the edge of the bed.

"Ow! Bitch!" Ming-Ming scrambled out of bed as quickly as possible and glared at Queen, who was giggling as she snuggled back under the covers. "Absolute bitch!"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Swearing a blue streak under her breath, Ming-Ming headed for the bathroom, bumping into the door frame on the way. Rubbing her eyes until they felt less heavy, she squinted at the tiled floor, checking that the mat was laid in front of the shower. The bruise from her slip last Tuesday still glowed in yellow, purple and green on her bare thigh. Wincing as she touched it accidentally, she undressed and draped the pink mini-shorts and T-shirt that made up her pjamas over the toilet lid.

Next; the fight with the taps.

Turn both on full.

Freeze. Jump out of shower.

Turn cold completely off.

Boil. Jump out of shower.

Turn cold back on full. Wait outside shower.

Adjust now-behaving temperature to one's liking.

Soon, the temperature was hot enough to turn her skin pink and she allowed herself a minute's shuddery luxuriation before reaching for the shampoo through the steadily accumulating steam. It was a Christmas present from her friend from work, Salima, and a much needed one at that, but the labelled aroma of 'Passionate Passion Fruit!' had made Queen annoyingly possessive for a day or two.

"You're the only one who'll be smelling my hair, promise," Ming-Ming had said, poking Queen's shoulder affectionately.

"Humph. Good."

Most amusing, Ming-Ming remembered with a smile.

Ngah! The shampoo was freezing! Happily, she wasted more water by holding the little bottle underneath the shower head until its contents warmed suitably.

Ten minutes later, she turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower, testing the stability of the mat gingerly. Finding it secure, she grabbed a small towel and wrapped it around her dripping hair. A larger towel went around her body, the trailing end tucked neatly under her left armpit.

Shivering, she opened the bathroom door, letting out a ridiculous amount of fragnant steam, and walked into the living room (which was the only room in the flat with plugs) to dry her hair.

A few minutes later, she was meticulously primping her fluffy hair in front of the small mirror (a tricky task when also trying to keep the towel up) when she saw Queen walk into the room, yawning and stretching.

"Hi, Mims," another yawn, "you ready yet?" With a wicked grin, she hugged Ming-Ming from behind

"No-o, Queen, you'll make the towel fall down ... randy cow," Ming-Ming finished mockingly as Queen took the opportunity to cop a feel.

"Like you're complaining!" Queen scoffed, gently teasing a nipple erect. Ming-Ming purred and wriggled slightly as Queen slid the towel down and kissed her neck.

_Ring, ring! Ring, ring!_

Queen swore colourfully and turned away for the phone in the kitchen, running a finger down Ming-Ming's back in a regretful farewell.

"Hello? Oh, it's you." Queen kicked a chair out from under the table with uneccessary violence and sat in it. "This'd better be good, dickhead." Pause. "Yes, you did interrupt that." Pause. "Get to the fucking point - even you can't be drunk at ten o'clock in the morning."

Ming-Ming rolled her eyes and sighed. No prizes for guessing who was at the other end of the phone. Listening intently, she nevertheless maintained a cover of nochalance by brushing furiously at a tangle in her drying hair.

"What? No, you said you'd take her today! You went to fucking _court_ for the right to take her over December and January, remember? Take some responsibility for once your pathetic life - what do you mean, I'm a fine one to talk?!"

'_Ah_,' Ming-Ming thought, carefully laying down the brush. _'Time for intervention, I think_.' She scooped up the fallen towel and wound it around her waist - hey, Queen needed a distraction right now. "Queen ..." She stretched the word out for at least three seconds, hand held out. Queen's furious expression faded slightly as she stared at Ming-Ming's chest and she obligingly handed the phone over.

"Hi, Kai, it's Ming-Ming now. What's the problem?" she said cheerfully - cheerfulness unnerved him.

"Oh, right. Thank God for that." He heaved a sigh. "She's so unreasonable - "

"Cut the crap, honey," she said, sickly sweet. Another sigh.

"Could you take Janna from the 28th to 2nd?"

"Why?"

He sighed heavily. "I've got a conference scheduled for those days and I gave the nanny those exact days off before I knew about the conference -

_'Oh, I do love hearing him plead,' _Ming-Ming thought mischivously.

"When would you be dropping her off?"

"Half-six in the evening of the 28th."

"Well, that sounds fine. See you then, ok?"

"Bye."

Ming-Ming ended the call and put the phone back in its holder.

"What did you do that for?" Queen grumbled. "I was trying to make a point!"

"And you were making it with your daughter," Ming-Ming reminded her disapprovingly. "For such immoral, maternally-lacking behaviour," she pulled the towel back over her breasts and turned towards the living room door, "I'm going to go and get dressed." Her back was turned so that Queen couldn't see the silent fit of giggles she was fighting. "Anyway," she called from the living room once she'd calmed down somewhat (not to mentioned figured out what Christmassy lothes she should wear), "you know you want to see her."

"Mm."

"Exactly. Be happy! Christmas presents soon!"

"That reminds me, when are my brother and his bitch coming over?"

"I'll tell him you said that, shall I?"

"You dare!"

Three hours later, they were sitting and watching morning television ("The best exercise in bitching there is!" Ming-Ming often claimed) when the doorbell rang. Ming-Ming hurried to the door and opened it after a fumble with the many locks.

"King! Ray!" She hugged them both tightly then stepped back and raked them top to bottom with a critical gaze. "Ray, _where_ did you get a black Santa coat? You look _gorgeous_ and I like the ponytail this time, too." Ray fiddled with the ankle-length mass self-consciously.

"It's the lazy option," he admitted sheepishly. His dress style was best described as almost gothic and very well illustrated by his choice of Christmas outfit. Black slightly flared trousers with a large silver belt and a dark red V-neck T-shirt. Over the T-shirt he wore, as Ming-Ming had spotted so delightedly, 'a black Santa coat', though not entirely black, Ray was quick to point out, the furry bits were black and _purple_. As far as makeup went, he had on black lipstick and extravagant black eyeliner - with sparkly red and green bits.

King was wearing jeans ("How boring!") and a green long-sleeved shirt with a swirling red pattern on it.

"Passed the fashion queen's approval yet?" Queen asked dryly, resting her head on Ming-Ming's. She had eventually been bullied into wearing all red but had rebelled as much as she dared to by finding white shoes and a white belt.

"They pass! They pass! Come on already, I want presents!" Ming-Ming ushered the boys inside, eyeing the plastic bag that Ray was holding with childlike eagerness.

From King to Queen, a massive bar of dark chocolate. Queen hit him over the head with it on the excuse that dark chocolate was always harder than milk or white then laughed and said thanks. In return, King got a book of 'Gross Jokes!' which he promptly hit his sister with as payback then settled down and started reading out the worst ones that he could find. Ray gave Queen a look of resigned hatred and sighed,

"You realise I'll be the one putting up with this for the next year or so?"

Queen nodded, unable to speak for laughter at her own cleverness and also a few of the jokes, though she wouldn't admit that for the world.

After Ray had given Ming-Ming a pink and blue scarf and she had given him a month's supply of black makeup in a tasteful wooden case there was only the Ming-Ming-to-Queen gifts left, since King and Ray explained that they had given each other their's earlier on.

Nearly bouncing with excitement, Ming-Ming opened her present with careful fingers - she was very into recycling and that included Christmas wrapping paper. Shreds of red, black and gold that lay around the room suggested, however, that she was the only person adhering to such a strange moral code. At last, a little pink cloth pouch lay on the wrapping paper. She opened it and tipped it upside down - out came a small, shiny ring with a pink stone and a brilliantly sparkling necklace in the shape of a heart. Squealing, she flung herself at Queen, nearly knocking them both off the sofa.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Queen shrugged, a pleased smile on her face.

"Well, you said anything pink ..."

"Oh, sweetie, I feel bad now, mine's nowhere near as good!" Blushing, Ming-Ming handed her a soft package, which when unwrapped turned out to be a silky scarf, shading from black down to white at the tips.

"Don't be stupid, Mims, it's gorgeous!" Queen hugged her back, stealing a kiss for good measure. Ming-Ming smiled and tilted her head up for a better angle.

"Before we lose you two all together ..." Ray began loudly. They looked at him with a hint of resentment. "Do you have any spare washing up liquid?" It was such a strange request that it sent Ming-Ming off into another uncontrollable giggle fit and persuaded Queen that an excellent alternative to laughing was to throw the sofa cushions at those weird boys.

"Why do you need that?" she asked once she'd run out of ammunition. Ray looked embarrassed and turned to King, who rolled his eyes.

"Lord Domestic here thought that you could wash dishes with soap."

Ming-Ming's giggles hit the state where they were no longer audible and she was gasping for air.

"And of course, all the shops are shut today," Ray continued, his face bright red.

"Check in the cupboard under the sink," Queen said, grinning.

Two hours later;

"At last, they're gone!" Queen complained, flopping down onto the bed and watching through the doorway as Ming-Ming bustled around clearing up the mess.

"You're so mean."

"I know." She got up and, oh-so-casually, wandered over to Ming-Ming who was bending over to scoop up the loose paper. She slid her arms around the girl's waist and whispered,

"I think it's time we celebrated Christmas properly."

Ming-Ming looked up at her with bright eyes, all housewifely thoughts gone.

* * *

My wrist canes like a bitch, I wrote about 3/4s of this in the last few hours!

Yes. Cliffhanger. Lime will follow once the house is safe. Does anyone who isn't Lamb want to see lime/world's mildest lemon? If so it'll go in another chapter, if not I'll just email it to Lamby in the hope that it'll curb any homicidal impulses.

And I _will _review my present, but possibly not tomorrow (which is now today).

xIlbx/Squishy xxxx


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